Breaking The Binge/Purge Cycle

I've been sick the past few days and today is my first day back at work. I'm not completely better, but at least I don't sound like a man anymore. I just finished round two of coffee and am getting ready for the work day. 

I'm working very hard at not purging today. I haven't had a purge free day in awhile. I would never purge again, but let's be realistic here. I've been purging for nine years, and quite consistently for the past two years.

I feel like I need an intervention. I've thought about telling my parents and having them monitor me for a few days to keep me accountable. The problem with that idea is that they would make me actually eat as well. I want to stop purging, but still restrict. I'm pretty sure that won't fly with my parents or anyone else who has my best interest in mind. 

So I'm back to square one. Breaking the binge/purge cycle is up to me. I am on my own this time.

I've decided I want to stop eating food at work. There's so many potlucks and such. Most people know about my eating disorder and judge me when I do eat. Especially this one girl- let's call her C. Whenever I get food, I feel her eyes on me. Sometimes she tells me I don't need that much food- like one cookie is enough instead of three. WTF?! She's very overweight and I'm underweight. Of course, she probably is saying that because she knows I'm going to purge it. She thinks I won't purge it if I only have one cookie. FALSE. I will purge it no matter what. Having a cookie, even just one, isn't okay for me to keep. Might as well have three if the one is going to come back up anyway.

Of course, I can't exactly explain this to her. I highly doubt she'd understand my rationality. 

So the plan??? I want to stop eating ANY food at work. I'll drink my tea, diet soda, and sugar free apple cider, but anything solid should not and WILL NOT touch my lips. 

I feel like restricting today is almost pointless since K is coming over for dinner and game night with my family tomorrow evening. I feel like having to have that meal with everyone is going to completely undo all my hard work today. 

But maybe not. The only thing I'm planning on eating today after work is an apple and two beets. Plus, I'm going for a long walk today too. I'll let you guys know how today turns out.